Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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