you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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