Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
