I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
