Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
