my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
