is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
