There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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