At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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