I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
