just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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