some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
