Plan B is the new Plan A
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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