i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
