You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
