i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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