her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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