I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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