I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
