my shit smells like andre
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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