im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
