Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
