I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
