Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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