I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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