I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
