I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Two words: nipple clamps
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