I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
