I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
