would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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