you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
