Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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