i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
