i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
zippers are such a cool invention
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
