Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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