She said her name was "party"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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