Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
