the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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