We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
