last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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