I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
