Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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