Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
