Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
