not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
