Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
