some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
