Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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