pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You made out with two different species that night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
