dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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