I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
