i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
