and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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