He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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