I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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