I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
