Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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