Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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