I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize