Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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