This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
