i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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