I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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