you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
