Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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