Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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