Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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