Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
