when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
