Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
