They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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