I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
