He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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