He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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