I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
