Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
