I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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